Friday, April 18, 2008

SIbling #3?

Sooo. how many kids you have? I have 2. And they are close together (only 20 months apart). Motherhood is a joy. I love it. Most days. My husband is very helpful with the kiddos. He also is appreciative of the fact that I make dinner and keep house and all that. He always jokes that there is no way that he would want to switch positions with me.

So when our first was born, we were elated! I actually thought that we would have trouble conceiving because we had a few miscarriages before and I am ovarian challenged. (I only have 1 ovary.) But after a year of no B/C method, we found out we were expanding. And I don't mean just my waistline. Fast forward 1 year and we discover...SURPRISE! Baby # is getting a sibling. Once again we were thrilled, but surprised.

Don't get me wrong, these were the best surprises I have ever gotten. I am so loving how they are beginning to interact with each other. They love thier dad and they are great kids. Both sleep well and have been a joy. I pray that they will have a strong relationship. The kind that only sisters can share. The kind that I don't know about because I am the lone girl in a sea of brothers.

A very good friend of mine just had her fist baby. He's precious. My friend comes from a family of 5. A VERY CLOSE family of five. They are all pretty close in age, and they are all best friends. Seriously. Best friends. They all spend time with eachother. And now that some of her sibs are married, thier spouses are just as close too.


I really am. My family is not close. My folks are divorced. I get along great with my dad and his wife. My mom and I have a strained relationship, but it's ok. But it's not anything that is super fantastic. My husband is only really in contact with his mom and 1 sibling and they are both nuts. Once again, did I mention that I am really wanting a big family where everyone loves each other and wants to be together?

So that bring us to many more kids should we have? My hubs used to say 4 until our oldest got to be 2 and a bit of a hurricane. I know that it's not right to have kids for the sake of creating some big loving family, right? Or is that what we are supposed to encourage? I don't know. I want more kids....I think. Once my oldest is in kindergarten. That seems like a good time, right?

My kiddos are 27 months and 7 months right now. When do you think is the right time to start thinking about more?


Constance said...

Oooooo, yay, one of my favorite topics!

My first two are a couple of years apart. Then my twins were born when my first two were 6 and 4, and that was GORGEOUS timing. Both of the older kids were old enough to do a LOT of stuff for themselves and also be of help to me, and the 6-year-old was old enough to really LOVE the new babies.

When my fifth was born, my secondborn was 6 years old and had the same reaction: really LOVES the baby, and is so patient with him---even though he has more of a fighting/irritated relationship with the siblings who are four years younger.

But I think every spacing has pros and cons; I don't think you can go wrong! The wider spacing (4- or 6-year spacing) leads to a more nurturing relationship, but to less of a peer relationship: my oldest thinks of the twins (6 years younger) and the fifthborn (8 years younger) as TOTAL BABIES. It means he doesn't get exasperated with them, but I also think it's going to mean he won't bond on a "friend" level with them, at least not until much, much, much later. When he graduates from high school they'll only be 10 and 12.

Our original plan (thwarted by unemployment) was to wait 2.5-3 years between each kid. I still think that would have been good, too.

Constance XXIX said...

My boys are 15 months apart, and believe it or not, we planned it that way. We figured we'd do it before we knew any better :) Some days are great, some are not so great. I don't think there is any perfect timing, it depends on how you feel, and how your current kids are.
I'm hoping for a third, but he is saying no way. We'll see.

"Constance-1-M" said...

How do I raise me one of them close families?! ;) LOL

I am 7 years older than my brother & we really aren't that close unfortunately. I think he's really cool, but we're just at totally different places in our life.

My hubs is 7 & 9 years younger than his sisters & NONE of them get along.

I want the princess to be close to her siblings, I'm just not sure HOW close I want them YKWIM?

Constance65 said...

First, thanks for letting me know about the apartment! You are the reason I have my new "secret" blog. But back to the question....I have 4 kids. The oldest is 7 years older than my second. There is 18 months between my 2nd and 3rd and 2.2 years between the 3rd and 4th. I'm an only and have a strained relationship with my parents. I have also always wanted that same kind of closeness that the family you mentioned has. I have "lurked" their blogs and thought if my family could be that would be wonderful. I think in many ways that is why I decided to have 4. To try and create a close-knit family. Often times, we are exactly that, but lots of times we are a fighting family. The youngest never gets to play with anything because the 3rd steals it from her. The 3rd is pretty much a middle child and never really got the attention that the 1st, 2nd, and 4th has gotten. The 2nd is the typical 1st child complete with perfection issues, and the oldest went from being an only(which in his world was fine by him) to an older sibling. They are my joy, but if I could have changed one thing, I probably would have waited about 6 to 9 months when I had my 3rd. I really like the space between my 3rd and 4th and wow, have I gone on and on.

I know what a wonderful parents you and your husband are, I think you could/can handle anything.