Monday, September 22, 2008

We Know You Are Gay, and it's OK.

I have a brother who is 6 years younger than me. He's the youngest of us three kids, I am the oldest. We have always been close. Even when my folks divorced and he lived far, far away, we would write and talk on the phone. So to say that I know him well, is very true. And also when I say that he is a total homosexual hiding way, way, way deep in the depths of the proverbial closet, it's true too.

I guess it started early, he always exhibited signs of being gay. And a few years back, my mom and my dad both found gay porn on their computers that my bro had used. Pages, and pages and pages of it. Now he is in college, bouncing around different jobs and whatnot. He's 23. He's lived in a few different places where he has rented and shared rooms. He's very much busy body and loves to be in everyone's business. He also thinks that he knows everything, including parenting and family management. Since he is more on his own now, and lives about 30 from the nearest relative, he has been exercising his right to dress in what he calls a very "metro-sexual", as he calls it, way. For example, he has come to my house wearing a fedora, and a vest. Jonas Brothers style.

About 2 years ago my husband and I invited him toa church that we had been going to, and he became very involved in it. We ended up stepping away from the church because it was not the right place for us to be. The congregation was too young, and their soul mission was to win souls for Jesus, via intimidation (not really, pressure and guilt. Ok, I guess that was dramatic, but the point is-we ended up not liking the church and left. My bro stayed. And by staying, he jumped thru all the church requirements, and did all the things necessary to "move up" the ranks and has become quite a little wannabe leader.

anyhow, it's no big deal to me if he is gay. Two of my BFF's are gay. I would still accept him as I do now. Actually I might respect him more, because right now he appears to be living a big fat lie. Which is sad. And his overcompensation for trying to prove that he's not gay is just wrong.

I don't think I could ever confront him on this. He would deny it. But it is so obvious. What to do?


"Constance-1-M" said...

Maybe brother's just trying to find his place in the world still? Or maybe he's a closet case who doesn't think that anyone would love him if he came out.

I knew a guy in college who I would have bet my house note was flaming - and then he started dating a girl & they were in LUV. Really. It was the strangest thing to see .... I still swear he had to be gay & maybe she just flipped him ....

Anonymous said...

I am sure over time if you show him that you love and accept him no matter what he will come out to you. You could always just ask him. I know you said he would deny it but then again he might surprise you.


Constance the Super said...

I think asking him might not be a bad idea. And if he denies it, tell him you'd love him the same if he was. And then wait until he's ready.

My dad came out about 5 years ago. And then went right back in. He and my mom are going on 40 years together. It breaks my heart to see him with someone who doesn't make him happy, but he's an adult and I can't force him to live life the way I want him to.