SaTC

Here's where I get way too over analytical....

So Sex and the City dropped and women all over the world are jumping for joy. It's caused quite an uproar over the past few years because everyone said that they would never do a movie. I liked the TV show. It was brash and crude and pretty much a lot like me in it's peak. I loved to watch the fashion and the glamor of the city. The architecture and the shoes alone had me wishing to move to NYC.

But then several thing happened and it make me not like the show so much. #1 I got married to an amazing man and realized that dating is not all it's cracked up to be. And neither is being single. #2 That episode where Carrie and Big did it in his apartment, and then Natasha came home to find Carrie, and chased after her and fell and broke her tooth. And while Carrie did the right thing and walked away, she still ends up with him in the end? True he's handsome, successful, charming and rich, but I can't take it!!! Big is not worth the shame or the doubt that Carrie SHOULD feel! (Although, Chris Noth is one of those weird choices I have made when it comes to celebrity crushes, right along side Simon Cowell and Hugh Grant.)

In a movie/series that is supposed to empower women, isn't it odd that the heroine ends up with the guy that married someone else, cheated on her with someone, and over all treated her like crap, except on the rare occasion when he had time to be better? Is that really the type of thing that young women or women in their 30's should be aspiring to?

Is It So Wrong.....

...that i just clipped on my Ipod so that I wouldn't hear my 2.5 year old who is screaming in her room that she doesn't want to take a nap?

I way prefer music to screaming tantrums.

Disconnected, not Mad

I feel bad that I DON'T feel bad. Is that bad? My mother is leaving soon for a trip. She has been going on trips in her RV with her husband since I was in Jr. High. Last year was my 10 year high school reunion if that helps tell you how long she's been traveling. She comes back for a few months at a time, but generally spends most of the year on the road. She comes back for special occasions graduation, my wedding, the birth of my kids. She'll stay for a while and then they are off again. When she is "here" she tries to just jump in like we have the perfect family. We don't and that's annoying that she can't just deal.

Over the years, I have simply become accustomed to it, and it's not a big deal. I don't cry when she leaves. I don't feel that sorry for her if it's more her husbands' idea to be gone, because marriage is a compromise, and if she wanted to stay that bad, she would figure it out. I don't feel sad when she calls me and is sad that she misses us or the kids. I simply disconnect myself from the whole things because for about 13 years, this has been how it is. She's flighty, I get it. her marriage isn't great, I get it.

It's annoying, but it doesn't really make me sad or mad. And that in itself makes me mad. But not enough to try and change it. Not enough to talk to her about. There really isn't anything to talk about. She's very dramatic and I couldn't even stand to have a conversation with her that would result in her crying. It's too dramatic for me. That makes me feel bad too.

Licking

Does your kid lick you? Because lately, my 2.5 year old daughter has been licking me and wiping her tear/snot/drool on me with enthusiastic fervor. Seriously, it's gross. Why does she do this?

Public Service

is it just me, or does Indy still have it after all these years?

Revelations

Update: my play date went great and i can't wait to do it again. she was super fun, totally relaxed and an inspiration considering what she has on her hands!

my 29th year has been good so far. had some fun times with my hubs and the kiddos and feel like this is going to be a great year.

i am still feeling a little sad about my lack of friends though. i have a few fabulous ones that i wish so badly lived closer! maybe it's als a bit of not being able to relate to too many people in my life. my husband and I get a long fabulously and we pretty much have the same views on the important things (parenting, work, politics, food (LOL!)). i am very thankful this, because I read things on True Mom Confessions that are so disheartening. I read things like "my husband is such an ass. i hate him. he is worthless and irritates me." my response to that is "then why are you married to him, idiot. if he is such an ass, you are too for choosing to marry him, and if things changed and you did nothing about it. it actually infuriates me when people say things like this. but anyway, moving on...

i can't relate to my siblings, my mother, my MIL my SIL or my mother's husband. i wish i could because i think that those are supposed to be anchoring relationships in one's life, no? i have tried to relate to my MIL but she is very angry and bitter, and we have nothing in common. same with his sister. i feel bad about this, because i could do more to be more accepting and forgiving, but i don't really. my husband feels the same, except they are close because they are mother and son. same with my mom and her husband. i don't get them and i don't really try to. i don't try to be tolerant or accepting. i just plain don't agree with them and the choices that they make and i can't come to terms with it. i find myself being annoyed with them even though they are totally helpful with my kids sometimes. i think that my mom is literally starting to lose it from being wardened by someone for the last 15 years and it's starting to show BIG TIME. i kind of feel bad about this, but then again, no one put a gun to her head to marry him.

I do have a good relationship with my dad and step mom because they are normal!! not only can i totally relate to them, they are sane.

i think more so than the fact that i don't have relationships with such people who should be pivotal in my life, it's that i am so lame, i can't be more tolerant of their quirks. you know that by quirks i mean things that irritate me so i want to scream, right?

how do you get past these type of things? or am i the only one in which "kill em with kindness" is not working?

29 and feeling fine

in a few hours i will turn 29. and i will begin my best year ever! woot!

To all the Mom's

Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there!

May today be filled with sleeping in, pedicures, massages, champagne brunch, naps, shopping, martini's, shoes, or whatever makes you happy! YOU DESERVE IT!

Wish Me Luck...

...because I have a Mommy play date tomorrow. I am meeting the wife of a good friend of mine at a local farmers market for some strolling and coffee and shopping. She has triplets! But she is totally in control and with it.

I've hung out with her before and I really like her. She's a bit younger than me, but we still have a lot in common. I am hoping that this can be the beginning of a beautiful new friendship.

Things are LAME

Thing #1 is that Microsoft would invent a product that my husband would fall in love with, that has such a mechanical bug they added red lights to indicate the mechanical failure? Xbox 360 is on it's way to the repair center along with millions of other consoles. In reality, the hubs doesn't play very often unless the girls and I are out because it's not appropriate for an influential 2 year old to watch her dad kill zombies or whatever they are. But It still irks me that they knowingly sell things where 30% of them fail and must be repaired.

Thing #2 is that my oldest has had about 4 time outs before lunch.

Things #3 is that there is 4 large brown spots in my yard.

Thing #4 is that my poor husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling like he was getting sick. Booo. Now I will insist that he takes Airborne and drinks a TON of water.

Thing #5 is that Jason Castro lasted as long as he did.

Thing #6 is the fact that I am still bothered by the incompetent service I was provided with at a local Subway. The sammy maker was shouting to her friend in the back about going to a beach party. Then she informed me that they were out of tomatoes. Usually this particular Subway is operated by the owners. But that night it was operated by a couple of teens who thought they were too good to work at the place. LAME. But what's lamer is that I am still annoyed. I hate poor service.


Thing #7 is that I feel a deep sense of loss when I have to prune my roses. Seriously. I know that is so ridiculous, but for reals!!

Thing #8 is that while I will see the Sex in the City movie, I find myself not being able to relate to the series anymore. While watching the episode where Big and Carrie are having an affair and Natasha comes home and then finds Carrie, and then knocks her tooth out had me mad! I think I will blog more about this later....

My Declaration

In one week from today, I turn 29. A year from that I will be 30. That will mean that I have spent 15 years feeling overweight and unhappy about it. Therefore, I have decided to declare my 29th year as the that I finallyget skinny get down to the weight that I am comfortable with.

I plan on doing so by eating much healthier and limiting my intake of my favorite things such as chocolate and cheese and basically most carbs.

I also plan on walking a min of 3 days a week with the girls.

I also hope to do yoga on the mornings that we don't walk.

I also plan on venting alot during this time because I love too cook and I love to eat and I love bad food. And wine.

I hope that this plan will give me more energy and drive to be active, as well as make me more comfortable in clothes, and dare I say it? A bathing suit.

I Need Some Friends...

..or at least one. Welcome to my pity party.

I have a few friends. My BFF from high school lives in LA and while I love her to death, I rarely see her. But when I do it's great! My closest pal that lived near me moved to freaking halfway across the country and I only talk to her about once every 3 weeks. I have a very close friend who I talk to a lot but she lives far away too. Which is a major bummer because I love her to death and know that she would be "the one" (lol) if only she was closer. Boo whoo!

I had a very close friend that was married to my step brother. She basically lost her mind in a meth-infused breakdown and we have lost touch. I am glad because she has become someone that I would never even associate with. Not so much because of the drugs-everyone f's up. I guess I just have a thing about being friend with total pathological liars, manipulators, and over all nutballs. This person is not just a little crazy but clinically insane. Which is weird because in the 2+ years we were close, she did not convey the crazy at her apparent full capacity. She's making up for that now. But that in itself is a whole different story. (One that I am sure that I will talk about here eventually.)

Anyway, I wonder what happened to all my pals? I don't have that one really good pal that I can confide in and talk to about ANYTHING. The one I can call and make her go to farmers market with at the last minute, or who I can call just to chat with. I have some close blogger friends who I really cherish and am so happy to have "met." I feel closer to some of them than I do some of my friends I have in "real life." Maybe it's because they can't judge me, at least to my face.

My lack of friends, it's my fault too. Becoming a mom has made me lazy. And picky. And I have been bad about being a friend too. And being married has made it a wee difficult because my husband has friends I like who have super annoying wives or girlfriends whom I hate. What's wrong with me?

I guess this comes from me wanting to go for girls night out in a few weeks for my birthday and realizing that I have no one to go with....

Waaah!

I Have Blogger ADD/Sex

So as you will see I have not quite figured out how I want this blog to look. I like pink though, so that's good! i added some music at the bottom. (Love that song, Mercy. Love it.) I may be making more changes in the weeks to come. We will see...Moving on.

Let's talk about SEX. I think most of the tenants in the Pink Apartment are moms. And alot of moms have the same problem, uh, issue....lack of sex.

For me, it's a combo of how disgustingly fat I have become poor body image, and exhaustion from chasing kids around all day. My husband is great and assures me that he still finds me hot as ever and yadda, yadda, yadda, but I still feel really...just, well, gross. I guess having 2 kids in 3 years will do that to you. Well that, and cheese. And chocolate. And carbs. And wine.

Take my new poll and tell me about your sex life, or lack there of.

And Now I Get a Tad Political

So we all know a little bit about Jeremiah Wright and his crazy comments including the assertion that the United States brought on the 9/11 attacks with its own "terrorism." He has made statements suggesting that the US government created AIDS.

More quote ables from Wright "The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing 'God Bless America.' No, no, no, God damn America, that's in the Bible for killing innocent people," he said in a 2003 sermon. "God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God damn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme."

Today at the National Press Club he stated lied that his words were taken out of context. You can listen to the speech here .

You can listen to his ideals about whites suppressing the black community, inventing AIDS and WMD's here.

Today he was given the opportunity to defend his words, and he said that this was not about himself, or Barack Obama but it was an attack by the media and America against black churches.

Any thoughts on this?

Calling all Moms

The same kid that is having issues with saying please is 27 months. She is really smart and has great verbal skills. She has always been ahead of her age group in books and what not. So why does she only have like a %10 interest in potty training?

She has a musical potty, magazine, princess panties and the whole 9 yards. She even gets marshmallows when she goes.

So mommy's of the Pink Apartment, got any tricks that you want to share for potty training?

I guess that I should mention that we waited to potty train until after her sister was born. We wanted to make sure that we had the ability to be consistent and also felt that the transition period of having a new sibling would be too much all at once.

A Letter to My Kid

Dear 2 year old kid,

Don't you get it by now that if you don't say please you will not get raisins, yogurt, markers, or anything else that you want? Can't you understand that I hate not being able to give you what you want merely because you are being stubborn and won't say the magic words? Don't you realize that it's polite and courteous to say PLEASE?

I know that you can say it considering that you speak in sentences now and always that THANK YOU, THANKS MOM, THANK YOU VERY MUCH and other various forms of gratitude.

So why why why why why won't you just say please? Even when I won't give you want you want, you still won't say it! What's the deal?

Love,
Your Mother

Health Insurance

Today I get a letter from my girls' pediatrician saying that they no longer accept our insurance. Great! Just what I wanted to hear on a Monday morning. So I call the doc and see how much it will cost for the girls next round of vaccines if we pay cash. After the 30% discount for paying cash, it would have been about $400 for kid # and $600 for kid #2! Oh yeah and that doesn't include the $144 per kid physical charge.

Just when I am about to bang my head on the desk, the billing guy says "But why don't you just take them to the health department? They charge a flat fee."

Ok, I said.

I called the health department. Wanna know what they charge? $25.00. Yes, that's right twenty-five dollars. Not $25.00 per vaccine. Nope. They charge a $25.00 "office fee" and then the vaccines are free.

Feeling like this is sounding way too good to be true, I ask her if that's based on your income, is it a sliding scale? (We are self employed so we wouldn't likely qualify)

NOPE!
They just charge $25.00.
No strings.
No deductible.
No premiums.
Just twenty five stinking dollars.

SIbling #3?

Sooo. how many kids you have? I have 2. And they are close together (only 20 months apart). Motherhood is a joy. I love it. Most days. My husband is very helpful with the kiddos. He also is appreciative of the fact that I make dinner and keep house and all that. He always jokes that there is no way that he would want to switch positions with me.

So when our first was born, we were elated! I actually thought that we would have trouble conceiving because we had a few miscarriages before and I am ovarian challenged. (I only have 1 ovary.) But after a year of no B/C method, we found out we were expanding. And I don't mean just my waistline. Fast forward 1 year and we discover...SURPRISE! Baby # is getting a sibling. Once again we were thrilled, but surprised.

Don't get me wrong, these were the best surprises I have ever gotten. I am so loving how they are beginning to interact with each other. They love thier dad and they are great kids. Both sleep well and have been a joy. I pray that they will have a strong relationship. The kind that only sisters can share. The kind that I don't know about because I am the lone girl in a sea of brothers.

A very good friend of mine just had her fist baby. He's precious. My friend comes from a family of 5. A VERY CLOSE family of five. They are all pretty close in age, and they are all best friends. Seriously. Best friends. They all spend time with eachother. And now that some of her sibs are married, thier spouses are just as close too.

I
AM
JEALOUS!

I really am. My family is not close. My folks are divorced. I get along great with my dad and his wife. My mom and I have a strained relationship, but it's ok. But it's not anything that is super fantastic. My husband is only really in contact with his mom and 1 sibling and they are both nuts. Once again, did I mention that I am really wanting a big family where everyone loves each other and wants to be together?

So that bring us to this....how many more kids should we have? My hubs used to say 4 until our oldest got to be 2 and a bit of a hurricane. I know that it's not right to have kids for the sake of creating some big loving family, right? Or is that what we are supposed to encourage? I don't know. I want more kids....I think. Once my oldest is in kindergarten. That seems like a good time, right?

My kiddos are 27 months and 7 months right now. When do you think is the right time to start thinking about more?

Speak Now

Ok, so a very good friend of my hubs is engaged. He is engaged to the most obnoxious, arrogant, petty, ridiculous, immature, selfish beeotch that I have ever met. In fact, I can't even stand to be around her so if I have to, I generally drown my sorrows in beer. It's that bad. They fight over things like..... She's always complaining about money, even though she doesn't have a job. So when he wants to drive her small car to work to save money on gas (he drives a full sized truck) she bitches. Or she doesn't want him to drink but she smokes pot. Or she tags along when he goes on guys fishing trips. She has also belittled him in front of others and continually butts in when he needs alone or guy time. She is pretty much just an idiot. I n the past she has called me old, criticized my choice of flowers in my garden, and questioned my parenting--even thought she has now kids and is like 23.

Now, my hubs and I love our alone time. We need it. We think it's important to have a good relationship. And we rarely fight. So maybe I am partial. But I can't imagine being married to this.

So my husband is in the wedding. And it's back east and we are going and all that. I would never stand up and object, but isn't it like our responsibility to counsel him or something. She wants to have kids right away and while he doesn't I could totally she her getting knocked up to lock him in.

I know that our pal is a big boy and can make decisions for himself. But he's already said that they have stayed together out of being comfortable.

Are we supposed to say something? Or are we to forever hold our peace?

Stress

I have been feeling very stressed the past few weeks about something that I hate being stressed about. MONEY. It seems like my hubs and I have been on track for a while, even expanding our business at one point. Now suddenly it seem that the economy has caught up with us and we are feeling the strain big time. It's been a long time since I worried about paying bills and things. I am grateful for that. I do feel blessed that we have been successful in past years. I guess I just hate worrying about things like money. I know that's it's simply a season. A season that we have visited before and mostly likely will visit again. I wish I could just give it all up and not stress out like I have been. But it's making me moody and depressed and scared.

It's times that these that I think about smoking the most. Sometimes being an adult sucks. But who am I kidding, most of the time it's bliss.

Finished

I finished our taxes! And despite my initial fears, we made out ok and are actually getting a small refund! Woo whoo for itemized deductions!

I now have a total new respect for CPAs. You people are mathematical geniuses. I do not envy you one single bit.

And now...I am going to get ready to type my first post about my MIL.

More Bad Habits

Wanna know something about me that I HATE? I hate that I am such a procrastinator. Here it is April 13, and what am I still working on? Our taxes. Yep, I totally waited till the last minute. Why do it do this? Now instead of realxing with a nice glass of wine (who am I kidding!) or working on household chores, I am slaving away at the computer getting brain fry.

Our computer crashed in August of last year and I never went back to check that all of our recipets were still entered. Well, they weren't. So now, at my own doing, I am stuck going through each bank statement to make sure that we get all the deductions that we are allowed.

It's really not fun. And what makes it worse is that I have had several months to do this, and never did.

Are you a procrastinator? What do you always wait till the last minute to do? And if you are not a procrastinator, what's your secret?????

A Little About Me

1. I do have another blog. My family reads it. My friends read it. My mother in law stalks it. I soooo needed this place to vent and get it all out.
   
2. While I don't believe in astrology, I am a Taurus, but I don't tend to be stubborn.
3. I got married at 24.
4. I had my first kid at 26.
   
5. Before I was domesticated, I used live at the bar.
6. And where ever they sold shoes and clothes.
7. I worked really hard at the same job for almost 10 years before I became a mom.
8. Now I work even harder to stay at home and take care of 2 kids (ages 2.5 and 7 months)
9. I love to cook. I love to eat.
10. This would explain why I have gained about 50 lbs in the last 5 years. Well, the food and being pregnant for like 3 years straight.
11. I am very proud that I quit smoke three years ago.
12. I am disappointed that I still think about it all the time.
13. I love cleaning products and things that smell good.
14. I hate that I complain so much when life is actually really good.
    
15. My husband is beyond amazing, and I am not just saying that. We get along great.
16. I hate play groups.
17. I never feel like I accomplish what I want to in a day.
18. I like Pinot Grigio, Martini's and Corona's with lime.
    
19. I miss not having any responsibilities.
20. I own a successful business with my husband.
21. My parents divorced when I was 12 and my mom and I have a strained relationship on the inside. On the outside we pretend that things are ok.
22. I hate how fat I have become.
23. I love that my husband accepts me for who I am , even if my butt keeps growing.
24. I can't get enough reality tv.
25. I like to read but never can find the time.
26. My eldest daughter looks just like I did when I was her age.
    
27. I am a total and complete camera-a-holic and I am addicted to taking pictures.
28. I used to do extra, stand in and walk on work for TV shows and movies.
29. I am going to be 29 in about a month.
30. I am not at all apprehensive about turning 30.
    

Girl on Girl Hate/Stupidity

when i was growing up in HS it was pretty common to see to chicks fighting in the quad or in the halls. even a classroom or two. in fact my first day of high school i got bitch slapped by some little snatch and i ended up slamming her head into a locker before i gave her a black eye.

i am NOT proud of that. in fact i am ashamed and saddened that i let my anger get the best of me. but i am also proud that i didn't back down.

i saw on the news that several teens were arrested and will be tried as adults for kidnapping and harassing and assaulting a 14 year old.

what is wrong with people? did these kids actually think that this was ok?

i totally did my fair share of drug abuse from about 16 into my twenties. i drove drunk off my ass. i was wreckless and careless. but i did have some common sense.

how about the teens that posted a video on you tube showing the affects on a two year old after they gave her ecstasy?People are not really that stupid are they? I mean she was 2. she was obviously "rolling hard" as the other laughed at her. that poor little baby.

what in the eff are young people thinking? it scares me to death that my children will one day befriend some idiot who has idiots for parents and will get into trouble.

i am planning on locking my kids in their rooms till they are 18. and even then i may "lose" the keys.

shhhh, it's me

oh man am i glad to have a place to get it all out.

i have another blog but of course i blabbed all about it and now i have a steady stream of readers that include my family, in-laws and other people that must not ever know the things that i think in my head lest they judge me of course.

but something tells me that that there are plenty of other mothers, wives, daughter-in laws, daughters and friends out there who will share a lot of what i feel....